There's this guy who lives in Chattanooga named Fred McMurray, no kin at all to that dead J.R. Bob Dobbs motherfucker who used to be on TV, and Fred's on disability because he has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and what he does, all day and all night, is stare into the monitors of four computers he's got rigged up by his armchair, each with its own wicked T-3 connection, BTW, and each of which is connected to a different Webcam, usually PragueCam, MissionStreetCam, BourbonStreetCam, and ChristopherStreetCam, and he just watches the people go by.

His only friend in the world is this Canadian dude named Roedy Green, whose website I very much encourage you to check out at your Own Convenience, and they talk on AIM all night about the men they see on the Webcams because they're both homosexual gentleman, like, say, Nassir. They fancy that from time to time they catch a glimpse of somebody like Eric Lindros, that gay Hockey Player, or Pavel Bure, the other one, but you don't have to be as on the ball as Jagr to appreciate that this gets rather old after a while, especially since they're no more seeing gay hockey players on there than you can get e-mail from dead people (which one can, but that's a different chapter) so, eventually, the conversation turns, as it always will, to Marilyn. See, Green and McMurray are not alone in being utterly obsessed with the hoe. They've both read all the biographies — the crappy one by Spoto and the other crappy one by Mailer, the really good one by Anthony Summers, even the crazy one by the late Paige Baty, and the one by Damon Sauve, the one I wrote, and the one Stephen Ambrose plagiarized, etc., etc., you're getting the Point.

And then one of them's looking at one of the Webcams and says, You know What? In a way, nobody in the world's been fucked more than Marilyn. Before, it was like Sarah Bernhardt, but now, it's definitely Marilyn. 'Cause by now, like, everybody in the world's thought about fucking her! Sure, the people she actually did fuck (and that was quite a few, we hear), and all those other people jacking off thinking about her even after she was a fucking corpse? One may not remember it, but in everyone's life there comes a time when they have or will get off while thinking about Marilyn.

That's right, women too, hey, look, this is 2002 here. But in 1955 plenty of women wanted to eat her pussy. God! And today, well, shit, man, you've got people with names like, say, Luci Wilson, who want to muff-dive her or fist her or have her slurp on their clits. But it's also that women want to be her (and that's crazy) so they fantasize that they, like, are her when somebody's slipping them the pork.

This is the kind of shit Fred and Roedy think about, and talk about, all the time.

And Roedy up and says that gay dudes want to fuck her, too! They'll dress up like her and watch her shitty films and want to be the slut just the same as the women, see, but they also like to imagine that they are her, when some other dude's ramming his Johnson up their ass! So that pretty much covers everybody, there, so that means that every one of those people we see down there walking around on the Webcams have thought about it too! They just don't talk about it!

Over this the two men had a hearty Virtual Laugh. Lol! :-8

Then Fred started telling Roedy some Weird Shit. He was saying that you can actually, like, marry your God! Yeah! Christ, I know this is really no new idea or whatever. Nuns think they're married to him, and for all the hell I know, they are! Otherwise, like who wants to become a fucking nun, all right? But Priests think they're married to him, too, which is why, face it, most priests are gayer than Elton John, brother. But just like you can fuck Marilyn you can Marry God. Lots of people do it. And, yeah, I know that can be said for like making Food or Heroin or Success your God or some shit, like they say, but you can actually, like, do it. Like this cat in New Orleans who's a Voodoo priest married HIS God, Odoon, who looks and behaves exactly like Charles Bukowski, and people like Nicholas Cage, that actor dude who played that guy who goes to that city and drinks a lot of booze 'till he dies, well, his ass was there.

— And Roedy normally wouldn't have thought of this but he was thinking, if there's like one Fucker, see, who Embodies both Good and Evil, who the fuck is it? I'll tell you. It's Rasputin. That's right. This is related to the Manachian Heresy of the 16th Century, where they worshipped God and the Devil, 'cause on this here Plane it actually seems to make the most sense, if Worshipping Anybody's real important to you, which it's certainly not for me. But still, Voodoo and I, Roedy Green, know what the Manachian Sect did! So I'd imagine it was Rasputin who was fucking me as my Penance and I could get off in my Glory Gland and we'd be married! I guess it's a Darkness and Light Yin/Yang sort of thing, if you want to get all Joseph Campbell about it. Shit, even the Church knew it and Jesus knew that, and St. Augustine and Aquinas and even Peter Abelard and Padre Pio and the Pope and all those dudes. Man.

So these, then, were the lives of Fred McMurray in Chattanooga and Roedy Green, and in fact, they still are. In the Worlds of Fantasy and Spirituality both, there's just all kinds of ways to Get it Done.